Where am I at

This past month or so has been hard for me. My running has been close to nil. And my mood has been gloomy because of this lingering injury. It all started this past summer. I ran a race in August while I had some tightness in my left foot and calf. While running this night trail race in the rain and mud, I jammed my ankle bad. Well, I thought I jammed my ankle. The sport doc I saw on November 24th said I broke that ankle. No wonder it is still sore. Apparently, all the running I was doing with a broken left ankle caused me to put stress on my right thigh/ hip area, causing a "stress spot". Luckily I didn't push hard enough to fracture my thigh. But I've had to take a break from running. For 2 weeks I ran nothing, and for the next to weeks I ran very little. This past week I have been able to get in some good runs. Only if I want to race Bandera on January 10th, it is now tapper time. Truthfully, my training has been spotty since June. I have a fuzzy idea of where I am at in terms of my running right now. I love running. I love pushing myself hard. I want to feel my physical limits and then push through them mentally. If I run the 50k or the 100k at Bandera, I can- will have to- push hard. That course is a butt kicker. And so fun. Rocky, hilly, and the weather is always a surprise. Maybe 81 degrees with out a cloud for cover. Maybe 29 and rainy, or any where in between. I'd have fun just being out there helping with the race. So what do I do? 50k or 100k? 2 weeks to decide.

This Maze

I have a very rough version of this song. I have been wanting to work on the instrumental for this and flesh it out before I posted it. This song has a lot of meaning for me and it is so far from finished. Being a mom is such a strange blessing...I love my kid and am more grateful to God for them then words or even music could ever say. But it is a hard blessing. I think mothers and fathers of multiple little children will get this song. But I know not everyone will. Here is what I have now, minus the melody.

I'm Staring at the writing on my wall,

wanting Lord to see your hand.

I feel myself, I'm crumbling beneath the weight,

of these Gifts that You gave me.

And I don't know why....Please open my eyes.

'Cause I'm blinded by what's here and now,

this destruction so confusing.

I've lost Your way looking for an out.

Can't take what You gave me.

I'm lonely, and never alone.

Little touches bring insanity.

I'm running, but I don't want out.

I just need You to save me.

Keep me lost in this maze.

Don't let me find my way out.

My dreams are dying,

wish I was flying...

Over these walls.

I know You have a plan for me,

and these children You gave me.

But I'm confused and lost inside.

It's hard for me to see You,

through my flooded room,

and emptied cupboards.

I don't understand,

why You've made me their mother.

I'm so lost in this maze.

I can't find my way out.

My dreams are dying.

Wish I was flying...

Over these walls.

I'm trying hard.

You've made me so weak.

Lord help me be, the mom they need me to be.

Keep me lost in this maze.

Don't let me find my way out.

Catch me Lord.

I need your strength to make it through these days.

Lord, let me see Your hand in the writing on my wall.