Sunday, December 28, 2008

Where am I at

This past month or so has been hard for me. My running has been close to nil. And my mood has been gloomy because of this lingering injury. It all started this past summer. I ran a race in August while I had some tightness in my left foot and calf. While running this night trail race in the rain and mud, I jammed my ankle bad. Well, I thought I jammed my ankle. The sport doc I saw on November 24th said I broke that ankle. No wonder it is still sore. Apparently, all the running I was doing with a broken left ankle caused me to put stress on my right thigh/ hip area, causing a "stress spot". Luckily I didn't push hard enough to fracture my thigh. But I've had to take a break from running. For 2 weeks I ran nothing, and for the next to weeks I ran very little. This past week I have been able to get in some good runs. Only if I want to race Bandera on January 10th, it is now tapper time. Truthfully, my training has been spotty since June. I have a fuzzy idea of where I am at in terms of my running right now. I love running. I love pushing myself hard. I want to feel my physical limits and then push through them mentally. If I run the 50k or the 100k at Bandera, I can- will have to- push hard. That course is a butt kicker. And so fun. Rocky, hilly, and the weather is always a surprise. Maybe 81 degrees with out a cloud for cover. Maybe 29 and rainy, or any where in between. I'd have fun just being out there helping with the race. So what do I do? 50k or 100k? 2 weeks to decide.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

This Maze

I have a very rough version of this song. I have been wanting to work on the instrumental for this and flesh it out before I posted it. This song has a lot of meaning for me and it is so far from finished. Being a mom is such a strange blessing...I love my kid and am more grateful to God for them then words or even music could ever say. But it is a hard blessing. I think mothers and fathers of multiple little children will get this song. But I know not everyone will. Here is what I have now, minus the melody.

I'm Staring at the writing on my wall,

wanting Lord to see your hand.

I feel myself, I'm crumbling beneath the weight,

of these Gifts that You gave me.

And I don't know why....Please open my eyes.

'Cause I'm blinded by what's here and now,

this destruction so confusing.

I've lost Your way looking for an out.

Can't take what You gave me.

I'm lonely, and never alone.

Little touches bring insanity.

I'm running, but I don't want out.

I just need You to save me.

Keep me lost in this maze.

Don't let me find my way out.

My dreams are dying,

wish I was flying...

Over these walls.

I know You have a plan for me,

and these children You gave me.

But I'm confused and lost inside.

It's hard for me to see You,

through my flooded room,

and emptied cupboards.

I don't understand,

why You've made me their mother.

I'm so lost in this maze.

I can't find my way out.

My dreams are dying.

Wish I was flying...

Over these walls.

I'm trying hard.

You've made me so weak.

Lord help me be, the mom they need me to be.

Keep me lost in this maze.

Don't let me find my way out.

Catch me Lord.

I need your strength to make it through these days.

Lord, let me see Your hand in the writing on my wall.


Friday, November 14, 2008

Sometime in Spring, 2007

My Boys, continued.

I was tiered. And, as too many of my stories start out, I decided to take a nap. I know what you're thinking. Foolish mom. And I am. I knew something could happen if I took my eyes of those two boys for 10minutes. But sleep got the best of me.

When I woke up, my boys (4 and 3) were playing sweetly on my floor. Few, I thought. I got a little nap and nothing is the worse for it. I headed into the pantry to see what I had to make for dinner. Hum....not much. Could have sworn I had more stuff in here...guess I did a pore job at the shopping this week. Looks like it has to be leftovers tonight.

As I heated spaghetti and meat sauce in the microwave, my husband got home for work. Normally I get a kiss first thing. This day I got, "Have you been in the garage?"

Puzzled, I followed Dan back out into the garage. Then I saw why my cupboards were so bear. Why hadn't I realized it before? My boys had raided my pantry. There, on the floor of the garage, hidden to one side of our car, was a giant pretzel tub full of...my pantry. They had taken oatmeal, flour (whole wheat and white), sugar (brown and granulated), pudding mixes, crystal light mix, Gatorade's, malted vinegar, baking soda, baking powder, a box of kosher salt, and a brand new giant bottle of extra virgin olive oil and mixed it all together. I was at my whits end. These two sooooo knew not to do this. In fact, a few weeks earlier they had done the same thing on a much smaller scale and been punished for it (last time it was only the flours and water).

We called the boys into the garage for a talk.
Their side: We wanted to bake a cake. We were making a cake.
Did you know this was a bad idea? "Yes. But we like baking..." said 4 year old Everett.
"Then lets bake your cake," I said. Everett looked horrified. I calmly walked to the oven and turned it on. Then I pored as much of that nasty stuff as I could fight into my biggest cake pan. "There is too much here to bake. Would you guys like some of the leftovers?" Everett, still looking in shock, shook his head no. Caedmon said he wanted some. I put some in a bowl for Caed, but he didn't try it.
When the cake was done, I put two pieces on the table for my boys and spaghetti on the table for Seren, Dan, and myself. The boys didn't say a word for a long time. Finally, Everett asked for some spaghetti. "Sorry, honey. I don't want to wast all that stuff. It is going to cost me a lot of money to replace all the things you boys used today. So I think you will need to eat this until it is gone."
Everett look beyond puzzled. "But we don't know how to make a cake," he said.
"So remember not to try to bake without mommy helping. Mommy does know how." my husband responded.
"I want to try it." Said Caed.
"Go ahead, Caed. I tried it," I told him,"it isn't very good."
Caed picked up a piece with his fork.
"NOOO! DON"T CAED! IT'S POISON!! WE MADE A POISON CAKE!" shouted Everett. It was all I could do to not laugh.
"It isn't poison. Only yucky."
Caed tried the cake. Then drink a lot of water. "It taste like yucky dough." He told Everett.
But there was no convincing Everett.

When the boys woke up the next morning, they asked for oatmeal. I reminded them about the cake. All our oatmeal was in that cake. They decided breakfast no longer sounded good. So i gave then both a giant cup of milk.

I also sent a piece of this cake with Everett to preschool. Harsh? No. Not if you know Everett. He need this bounder set firm. After I dropped Everett off at his class, I found the preschool director and told her what had happened and what was in Everett's lunch box. I also apologized for having not reminded Everett about this being his lunch and explained my feelings about this boundary. It wasn't that I wanted Everett to eat only this cake, but I couldn't give him any thing else yet. The director got a laugh about it and said she would be glad to help out.

When I picked up the boy's, I found out that the director had lunch in Everett's class. She said when he opened up the Tupperware and saw the cake inside, his eyes about popped out of his head. She questioned him about it, but he didn't want to talk. Thinking the cake looked pretty good, she asked for a bit (I promise I told her what was in it!!). Her report: that was the nastiest stuff ever. Like baked throw-up. She also shared her lunch with Everett. (My boys go to the BEST preschool, boy the way.)

When the boy's got home, I told them I had thrown out the cake. I told them that any time they ever did something like this again, there would be similar consequences. And I hugged them and offered them some real food. So far, we haven't had another pantry raid.
(But before this they took the eggs! Now I remember! The "stinky cat food"!! I will write that next time.)

More stories about my boys

AKA- the partners in crime. My boys are truly amazing. They are determined, dedicated, persistent, creative, smart, and incredibly strong. They aren't afraid of anything (except monsters at night) and haven't met a challenge they are unwilling to pursue. I truly believe God has big plans for those two little men in in the making. But parenting them is no picnic. As much as I love them and feel a deep sense of honor in being given the responsibility of raising them, they push me right onto the edge of my sanity line. To give you a bit of insight into my world as their Mother, and to give myself some comic relief, I will attempt to recall some of the most challenging and scary moments I have faced raising my 5 and 4 year old boys to date.

February 2004
Everett was almost 1 and Seren, my daughter was 2 1/2. It was a Friday at our house in Austin. I know it was a Friday because Fridays were trash and recycle days for our neighborhood back then. After feeding the kids breakfast, I went to my room to go to the bathroom. Even moms have to take potty breaks once in awhile. We may be able to warred of sickness and see things with the backs of our heads, but we are, after all, still human. Maybe 2 minutes after I lift my kids playing in the living area, Seren comes into my bathroom and says, "Mommy, Everett is walking in the street."
"Well tell him no, no. We can't walk in the street," I say thinking Seren is playing a game. We play lots of pretend games like that with our children to help them learn about safety. Seren ran out of the bathroom. She was back in less then a minute.
"I told him, but he's not listening to me." (Side note. Seren is very verbal. At the age of 1 she asked a friend of mine, "Do you have cheese in the fridge, 'cause I like cheese." My friend and I got a kick out of it)
At this point I had the stomach turning thought that this might not be a game. I flew out of my bathroom, down the hall, and through the OPENED FRONT DOOR. My sweet little 11 month old was waddling down the middle the street, empty gallon of milk in hand, clad only in his little Bummies diaper, and headed straight for the recycle truck. This tiny little guy had unlocked and opened the front door all by himself. I was shocked! Seren, while capable of unlocking bolted doors, would never have done so. She knew, some how, not to. But Everett...he will try anything. I called my husband and told him what had happened. By 6pm that evening we had chains on the top of all doors that exited out house.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

My training log has disappeared. I suspect this is just a computer problem that will be fixed soon. I don't want to lose the last 2 or so years of my training logs. :( But if it is really gone, so be it. I will post my workout from this morning here for now. And hope I get to log it else where later.
WARNING: BORING TO READ.
(Side note: Has anyone ever tried crunching up Club crackers and eating them in ice cream? I promise it is GOOD!)

It was raining this morning. McAllister was muddy, had two creek crossings, and more rain coming off and on (mostly on) for my run. I had wanted to run 16 miles today, but my legs were feeling tired so I planed on 14 instead. Or at least 12. After running 9 easy miles on the muddy trails(1:15:35), I decided to head to a track and run a few 600s just to see how my legs felt. I drove to the track, ran an 800 to let my legs feel "track" after muddy trail, and started the 600s. It was pouring rain now, and I kept having to pull my skirt up. That skirt was heavy wet- good to know- I won't race in that one! I ran 5 600s with 200 recovery's (2:29, 2:27, 2:24, 2:22, 2:22) and then did 2 miles for a cool down(38:12 total for 5). My 600s were way slow for me, but I will blame it mostly on the rain and heat (it was 79 degrees and 100% humidity. OK. The weather folks said 89%) . Also, they were a bit long b/c I had to run in lane 3 on one of the turns b/c of football bleachers on the track. And my skirt weighed like 8pounds. All told, it was an OK hot and humid Texas run of 14miles. What I would give to live in a cooler place. Maybe some day.

Friday, October 3, 2008

The Green Belt

Wednesday night I meet a group of Team Traverse peeps in Austin to do a hilly trail run. Why I was in Austin on Wednesday is another story. But it ends with "Yeah! We have renters!"
Back to the run.
We were supposed to meet at the HOL at 6:00pm. I left Seattle's Best at 5pm thinking I could get a few miles in before the other guy's showed up. But I hadn't counted on the traffic I hit on I-35. While I was sitting In traffic, I dug my trail shoes out of my bag and discovered I had brought two left shoes. Darn. Luckily I had some LaSpoertiva's in the trunk. I had been wanting to try them out. Guess I would get to tonight.I didn't get there until a little past 6, and everyone had gone except for Joe.
Joe waited for me to park and we ran down the HOL together. Then he told me to head up a certain trail intersection and take all lefts. The others went the other way and were taking rights, so I would meet them somewhere on the trails. After about 1.75miles I ran into Pete and Josue. Turning around, I followed them back to the intersection.
On the second loop, I rolled my ankle pretty bad on a steep rocky section. I told Josue I was going to slow down. I just didn't feel safe running a bit hard in the shoes I had on. I figured I would keep taking the appropriate turns and hit the intersection again soon. After a few miles had gone buy, I realized I was running loops and not hitting the right intersection. I decided to go out on a limb and take a new turn. I had run just under 8 miles at this point and I knew I needed to get back soon- the sun was setting. Somewhere around 9.5miles, I felt a panic rising inside. The sunlight was just about gone, I had reached the top of a hill, and I hadn't a clue where I was. There was a stone wall to my left and a beautiful view of a highway below to my right. I figured my best bet was to run down this hill. Keeping the wall to my left, I ran down the trail as hard as I could. After a short while I hit another intersection. There was a fence straight ahead. First, I turned right. Then I changed my mind and turned back the other way. I looked at my GPS and saw I had now been running for 1hr 30minutes. Less then a minute later I hit another fence. There was no way to go but the way I had come from. I ran with the fence to my left. The sun light was gone, but I was running hard down hill. I figured (hoped) I would hit the creek or a neighbor hood and find safety. But I was scared. Crazy people have been reported in this place. Weird things happen here. And this was only my second time running here. I hadn't a clue where I really was. Soon I saw a light in front of me. I called out, and Pete answered. Boy was I relieved! I didn't think the guys would leave me, but I didn't expect to be found either. Pete seemed as relived as I felt. He said Joe and the other guys where looking for me, too. I followed Pete down the trail for a little while until we ran into TJ. Then TJ and I headed to the bottom of the HOL while Pete went back out to find Josue, Joe, and Larry. I think Pete must have found me about 40minutes before the other guys came back.
I have to say I felt quite cared for. I figured Joe would wait for me, maybe go look for me, but I never expected the other guys to join in. And I greatly appreciate their concern. Afterward we all hung out at Joe's truck, had Beer and water, and took a couple of pictures. I think it turned out to be a good experience. I learned that I will not run alone in the Green Belt until I know that place better. And I learned that I have very caring teammates. I feel so blessed to be a part of this Team. We are all just getting to know each other and I am liking everyone more and more. If any of you guys read this, THANK YOU!

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Bandera and Lost Mapels

This weekend was my high school reunion. It was also a scheduled running weekend for me. I needed to pick what I'd do and what I'd miss.
I decided to miss the Friday night run for the homecoming football game and drive out to Bandera Saturday morning and miss the reunion.
The football game was a lot of fun. Dan and I took our kids. They loved it. We also got to see a few people from high school. It was kinda funny, because the people we saw went to high school with me and middle school with Daniel. I would have liked to see a few other people. Maybe some other time.
Running at HCSP on Saturday was great! I ran somewhere around 26miles. My GPS sucks, so it could have been more. Daniel ran a lot of that with me, as did my team mate TJ from Austin. Joe, our coach, set out a couple of water coolers and sign in/out sheets to keep track of all the runners. Joe also marked a 7ish mile loop for us and gave us all water proof maps. Dan, TJ, TJ's friend (Jim??), and myself decided to add Lucky's onto that loop in order to get in the most hills per mile. Fun stuff. Lucky is one steep climb,..ur...run. After finishing one of the 7ish loops (my GPS said 7.2. Another said 7.9 and another runner (who skipped Lucky) got 7.48 every loop), Tj, Dan and I headed over to Ice Cream Hill for more big hills. It was all great. I think I would love to spend over 4 hrs every Saturday on trails with friends. During Dan and my's second 7ish loop, I decided I would run up Carrien's Climb and then turn around until I found Dan. I ran .5miles back down that sweet climb and realized Daniel had likely skipped this hill. So back up it and down the other side I went! Dan was at the cooler waiting for me. "That's awesome!", Dan said when I told him what had happened. "You wanted to get in lots of hills and extra miles." He was right. I wasn't mad about it. But I wouldn't have done Carrien's twice in a row any other way!
The next morning, the stars were breath taking! I have missed seeing the starts in a clear black sky more then I knew. After packing up, we headed over to Lost Maples. What a spectacular park! This place was more then beautiful with It's dense trees, steep hills, rocky climbs, creek crossings, twisty trails, and occasional dry rocky creek bed trails. And we soooo lucked out with the weather. It was actually chilly all morning! I can hardly wait to go back!