How He loves us
This song has been stuck in my head today. It has never been a favorite of mine, but someday's it just hits home harder then others.
"I don't have time to maintain my regrets, when I think about the way He loves us."
Today, that made me laugh. The pure truth of God's love forcing me to bend in His storm. I guess that's a good thing.

2010

I went to Borders tonight and bought some new staff paper. While I am emotionally attached to my first music journal (A high school present from a close friend, now my husband) and don't want to fill it up, I emotionally avoid my loose staff paper (transposing and ear training relived), and really have no clue where it all ended up when we moved in July. I decided I'd looked hard enough and bought new staff paper.
Walking through the store and smelling all those books brought back strong memories of this time last year. So much has happened over the past 12 months, it is a bit over whelming. I feel like the same me who lived last year only completely different. Last December I had no plans to run any shorter ultras or try to get on the 100k USA Track and Field Team. By April, I had placed 3erd in the National Championship and was only an announcement away from being on the USATF 100k team for 2010. So crazy. I wanted to achieve this goal. I never imagined it before February and never expected it so fast. I also never imagined I would be injured for as long as I have been. So close and yet so far. All the things that 2010 held ready for me to put on have been hard blessings. Mental training. Character building. And completely unexpected.
I remember browsing Barnes and Nobles last December feeling lost, even hopeless. I picked up a book, flipped through, and something inside me said, "Don't waist your time. Its hopeless." So much of me believed that little voice. And I gave up. But I still ran. I trained, cleaned, cooked, smiled and I was fine...at least that's what I told myself. I have such a good life. So much to be thankful for. So many things I love are tangible and feel-able. Why waste thoughts on things I know are out of my control? Just live. I lived. Only God is bigger and more beautiful then the mountains I love so much. And His love is fierce.
I'd have to say I entered 2010 broken. As I sat broken I saw so much. I changed so much, moved so much and did nothing. As I am leaving 2010, I don't think I'm still broken. Maybe I'm in a fire. Maybe I'm just hot and malleable from having been in a fire. As hard as it is for me to feel soft and weak and unformed, I wouldn't trade the gift of this year anything. I get to start 2011 filled with Hope. More love, more joy, more peace.
There is such freedom in Hope.

My Babies

Almost 5 months ago I injured my foot and have been unable to run. When I first had to stop all running, I thought I might go crazy. But something had been nagging on my mind even before my injury. I realized that where my spirit was and what my body did were not matching up. As much as I love running, it truly isn't what gives my the most joy and satisfaction in life. Yet I spent hours daily on improving my athletic ability and hours monthly on something that means so much more to me. Music. I decided to stop this inconstancy and spend more time on my music. The results have been thrilling. Doors are opening up in places I never expected. And I am growing tremendously as a result. Below is a link to a little video I did of me playing a song on the guitar for my kids. I know I am bad at the guitar. But I only first picked it up in September and I can play! Maybe in a few more months I will be up to ok, which is thrilling to me. This song I wrote for my babies I wrote as an exercise in song writing. I want to be a good writer, so I figure what better way to write well then to practice, right? I set my timer for 7minutes and came out with this. When my guitar skills are better, I have more songs that took more effort to write that I want to play. For now, a lot of those songs have too many chords for this newbie. :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zExUOLUKvp4

Wow! 10 years!!

I haven't posted on here in awhile. Partly because I started a new blog here. The new blog is meant to be more running focused while this one is going to be more family focused. Of course I can't do that 100%, but for the most part that is my plan. Other reasons for no posts are a recent move across town and summer break. Having all 3 kids 24-7 keeps me busy!

Ten years ago today I married my wonderful husband. Well, actually, 10 years ago yesterday. Legally, our anniversary is August 4th, but our wedding was the 5th. Long story. When I was thinking of what to do for Daniel for our 10 year celebration, Dan reminded me of a song I started writing the night we decided to try dating (we had been close friends for around 6 years at that time). At that point in life I wrote nightly in a journal. Sorta a pray/thoughts/wishes journal. I have tried many times over the years to finish that song. But I never could. Maybe because it is such a country-ish song and my voice and style is not country. But what ever the reasons, this time I was determined to over come. Surprisingly, it only took about a week to finish it.

I wish I knew how to play the guitar. This song needs the guitar, bad. But in honor of my husband I recorded our song, just me singing at the computer. When I learn the guitar I'll finish it for real.
Here is what I have: His Girl
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY my LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Trail Shoes, Mountain Dew and Hero's

I'm not one to follow trends. If I like it I wear it. Be that make-up, cloths, shoes or socks. In middle school I put blush on my eyelids and dressed monochromatically. No it wasn't a cool thing to do. And no one thought that I was cool. But I liked the look, so I wore it. In college I chopped all my hair off and found that my new hair style didn't mix well with running. If I left my hair down, I got poked in the eyes by hair blowing in the wind. But I couldn't fit my short hair into a ponytail. Much to my roommate's chagrin, I began wearing what I thought of as pigtails to run laps around campus. It looked like I wanted to be a short-haired Pippi Longstocking. Or maybe like I wanted to have dragon horns. But it kept my hair out of my face. To add a little style to my new look, I would put 3 colored rubber-bands on each pigtail, and match the rubber-bands to my running outfit. I liked it. Sure I got grins from fellow students out running, but whats wrong with making people smile? Only Kristin (my roommate) actually expressed dislike for them. And I know she loved me anyway, even though she would never join me on on a run. And, actually, my pigtails are still with me. Though my hair is longer now and doesn't usually stand straight up pulled into pigtails.

As an athlete my "who cares about the masses, do you like it?" attitude  translates into "if it works for me I use it." Be that Hammer gel, Mountain Dew, no solids on long runs or even trail shoes on the road. Yes. Trail shoes on the road. I wore the New Balance MT 100's in a recent road race.  Early on, some of the other ladies made disapproving comments about my footwear choice. But I knew that the shoe I had on would work for me. Even on the road. I have spent a lot of money in the last few years trying shoes that end up not working. My all time favorite running shoe (Brooks T5- a road racing flat that I wore for ultras on all but the gnarliest trails) was tweaked last year and the new version sucks. Funny, because Brooks supposedly made the upper better. Only the better version leaves major blisters on the top of my foot. The old one never gave me even one blister.
I have come to realize that I have the worst foot to fit in a shoe of any type ever. Sad, but being my feet love to run I work hard to find what will work. In fact, the NB 100s didn't work on try #1. I had to go up a 1/2 size and cut the heel cup down to prevent popping my bursae sack (long story and older post). Then I tried blister pads instead of cutting down the heel. The blister pads work great.  Yay for me! A trail shoe that I love. Only I have been training on roads for the last few months. Oh what I would give for a pair of T5's! I tried 2 different road shoes during training for Mad City 100k. But both pairs are only good for under 18miles. Being I had trained on the roads in my NB 100s (over 50miles at once), I knew that I could run a road race in them. The NB 100s are actually lighter then almost all road shoes, and being I like a minimal shoe, I didn't have anything to really gain from a road shoe. The NB 100's rock. Not my perfect shoe by a lot, but the best on the current market by even more. 

Which brings me to Mountain Dew. Before mad City, I had never drunk Mountain Dew on the run. I had been having some tummy problems and hadn't t had luck with any of my long run nutrition experiments. When I saw Mountain Dew on the list of aid-station foods, I figured I had nothing to lose in giving it a go, as I know a few athletes who like it on the run and nothing I tried had worked well enough for me to want to use it again. I also knew that I like sugar and caffeine during long runs as long as I take in water with them. So I gave the Dew a go at Mad City. And it worked for me! My tummy felt great all race long. When I met with my friend Meredith Terranova the week after the race, she said keep with the Dew for races. I really did a good job at Mad City. Next race will be more of the same. Literally. More gels per hour, more electrolytes per hour, more water per hour. Other then being short on calories and overall intake, Mad City worked for me. Yippy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And a giant YIPPY to Meredith. For anyone who doesn't know, Meredith Terranova is one of the best nutritionist there is. And an amazing athlete as well. I've been think a lot about my "running hero's" lately.  There are a lot of amazing athletes in America. But when it comes down to it fast times and course records just aren't something that leave me thinking "Wow. She rocks" by themselves. Meredith is one of my hero's because of her incredible knowledge and willingness to use what she has learned to help other athletes grow. Meredith is also one of the most genuine people around.
Another lady hero of mine is Elizabeth Howard. Liza is not only super fun and sweet, but the most competitive person I know. Before knowing Liza, I had no idea how to really go for it in a race and not feel mean, cocky, or foolish. Liza, while a super sport, knows how to go for it. Seeing her race- really race- and do it without putting down other runners or giving off an, "I'm better then you" air has taught me how to race, too. And racing rocks. Regardless of who wins.
Next are Annette Bednosky and Jamie Donaldson. Both of these ladies are really only acquaintances. But being they have been running ultras for many years and are both top notch at it, I know a bit about them. That and they both have blogs.
Before meeting Annette, I must admit to having been already star struck. She is pure awesomeness, in my book. Not afraid of a challenge and incredible at over coming obstacles. Annette seems to come out of everything stronger. I want to be like that.
Jamie might be the most humble world class athlete there is. Both the times I saw Jamie race, she seemed to be truly focused in on her race and not out there just to win. Seeing Jamie approach racing from such an individual place has helped me gain mental toughness. The only thing I have any control over in a race is my mind. Nothing else. So I better do all I can to have my mind on my side.

Well, I re-titled this post. Maybe I should just call this 'random'. Oh well. Time for bed. Happy running to all!!

A mountain run

No rules. Speed doesn't matter and miles don't count. Or maybe they count double. It's almost 4pm. Diner is in 2 hrs when I write my name in the book. Two hours to get up and down Guadalupe Peak. Can I make it in two hours? Normally I'd think yes. But today? Today was a challenge I like.

This morning I ran 8 miles on the Permian Reef Trail. Over 2100 feet of climbing up single track, rocky trails in 3.1 miles. Then around and down a bit before getting to stand, arms open wide, at a look out point and just shout down over the amazing view of my campsite in the distance. Wow. Going down Permian was equally great. I was just fighting back giggles that I'm sure had hikers thinking I might be crazy. But this place was like Bandera on steroids. Bliss.

The day before was a 30 mile Joe run. Anyone who knows Joe knows what this means. How this man manages to find ass-kicking trails and string them together in a way that will have even then nicest runner cussing is a gift beyond measure. Oh how I love doing a Joe run.

My quads are sore, my hands are cold, and my back is dripping sweat under my fleece and Nathan pack. It's time for up. I feel like I'm running, in a way. My arms are swinging and my turn over is quick. But moving is slow. Still, the feeling is, again, bliss. 18 minute mile bliss.

After 1.4 miles two hikers pass me on their way down. "There are 2 guys ahead of you. You have a long way to go," one says.
"Less the 3 miles," I reply with a smile.

More up. I was breathing hard from the get go, but the climbing never got harder. 2 miles up. Three. Getting close to four. By this time I'm surrounded by cloud. A mile back the wind blew pieces of cloud over me as I climbed, drawing out more laughs. Now the fog is almost thick. Wisps of cloud cover the rocky trail and the smell in the air is sweet and ethereal. I've been climbing for over an hour, taken two wrong turns, but I know I'm close to the peak. This climb is billed as a tourist trail, but a few of the turns are hard to see. At least in the fog. Still, I know I'm close to the top. Hugging a turn I hike the last bit of trail up, climb a few rocks, write my name in the book and give a happy whoop into the thick clouds. This mountain offered me no view from Its top. But the 77 minute climb was reward enough. I slapped the monument, climbed off the slippery peak rocks, filled my lungs with the cloudy air and started the run down.

My GPS died after just over 8 miles in 2:01, about .5 miles from the trail head. But I don't care. On the mountain speed and time really don't matter to me. I made the climb.

Mad City 100k 2010

When I registered for Mad City, I had decided to run this year's race as a practice run for next year's race. The goal: to get on the USATF 100k team in 2011. This is a BIG goal. Especially being I had never raced a road ultra before today. My training for the last 2 months has been much different then what I am use to. Faster stuff on pavement vs. slower stuff on trails. But I've LOVED training like this. I love running hard and I've loved feeling like I'm getting faster while improving my endurance with crazy tempo runs and track work. My time goal for this race this year was to run close to eight minute miles...8 minute miles are slower then pretty much all of my training has been. But being this was a 62 mile race, eight minute miles would be good.

Mad City 100k was the USATF 100k Championship race for 2010. Meaning it draws fast runners and offers prize money to the top 5 male and female USATF finishers, along with a chance for the winner to get on the USATF 100k team. This race is a rolling hills 100k made up of 10 10k loops. I actually expected the course to be flatter then it was. I would call the whole thing rolling, with a nice flat run way coming into the starting/loop/finish area.

At 6:30am the race began. I ran the first 30K with 3 great running women (Kristin Moehl, Angie Radosevich, and Jenny Capel). It was fun getting to meet some awesome runners and talk while running along for those first loops. But after 30K I was ready to pick it up a bit. So I did. Truthfully I am a bit of a loner when I run, and I was ready to just zone out and run. No more talking. Lap 4 was my fastest loop of the day, with lap 5 taking 2end for a "clocked" 3:58:10 50k. I say clocked because the aid station was just before the time mats. Meaning I stopped for maybe 1 minute to eat, drink and take an S!Cap before running over the time mats.

By the end of lap 6 my legs were starting to cramp. I did a mental check list of the possible whys and decided these cramps were racing cramps. Nothing to be done but push on. Also on this lap, I caught the 2end place lady, Annette Bednosky. We hit the aid stations with in seconds of each other for a couple laps before my legs decided I was going to slow down.

The clock said 7:25 when I left for my last lap, in 3erd place. My legs still felt bad, but I pushed them anyway. I kept telling myself "8:20 or less. 8:20 or less", as I did my best to run up those long (though not steep) hills. At 8:02 I hit the 3.8 mile (of 6.2miles) aid station, downed some water and Mt. Dew, and pushed in to finish in 8:18:24. 3erd female, 10th person. Talk about thrilling! The website says I averaged 8:01.3 minutes for every mile. Woo-hoo! Not only that, but I now have a chance of getting selected this year to run in the USATF 100k World Championship, because I ran under 8:40. Exciting Craziness!

I still want to train for this race over the next year. I feel like I have a great shot at running quite a bit faster, if I put in the miles right. A GIANT THANK YOU to Joe, for helping train for this. I would have never done those workouts w/o someone having put them on my training plan. And I can tell they helped me out a lot. :)

Oh, I am sure some of my running peeps are just dying to know what I was eating and drinking today. Well, I tried something new. In a race. I drunk like 10 cups of Mt. Dew today, a lot of water, about 2 cups of Heed, took 10 S!Caps and 10 gels. Nothing more, nothing less.

Easy runs for FUN

I have finally figured out how to love my easy runs!! For years I've almost dreaded easy days. I'd look at my training plans and think, "Blah. An easy run Wednesday. I have to run slow and that is boring." But no longer! For the last few weeks I've planed to do easy runs at parks, on snow covered trails, or on new trails to do exploring. Instead of thinking running 5-8 miles isn't worth driving somewhere to run, I think of my easy runs as play-dates for myself. A few miles just to have fun doing something I love. Today I ventured onto a part of a trail that I've used as a turn-around spot a few times in the past. Instead of turning around when I hit the part that plunges into a creek, I slashed on in. WooHOO! Cold fun! And the water was much deeper then I expected. It got up to my knees in the middle. About .5 miles later, I turned and ran thru more water that let out into sand. Then I went up a .8 mile crush granite and muddy in spots hill before the trail hit a road. So fun! On the way back, there was a small (about 1.5 feet long but slim) snake sunbathing on the trail. Being it was 40 degrees out, I wasn't watching for snakes and almost stepped on him. Silly snake! But for some reason I see lots of snakes on the trails here in Colorado when the sun is out, regardless of the temperature. I guess it is warmer in the sun then under a rock.
The only mildly disappointing part of today's run was the knee length yoga pants I wore. When they got wet, the bottoms sloshed around and were obviously not really for running in. There was a 30% chance of snow while I was running, so I didn't want to be in shorts. But 40 degrees isn't cold enough for pants, so I wore the only Capri's I have that are made out of workout material. I can't wait to get my Patagonia Capri's to run in! And maybe I'll use my Northface gift card for another pair of Capri's. I think running in knee length pants is the way to go most of the winter up here. Much different then Texas!

Next week I hope there is snow on the trails again. Snow runs might be my favorite!

It's 6:23am here. And so far today I've made three kid's lunches, made a pot of oatmeal, done my reading, loaded the dishes left from last night, swept the downstairs bathroom, washroom, and what I have started calling "the mud hall". Lots of houses around here have a Mudroom. But we have an area where we hang jackets by the garage door that is a hallway. Half-bath straight ahead, laundry room to your right, and the way into the house to your left. Being the kids will come into this hall, take of snow boots, and then toss the boots into there buckets in the garage, this hall of ours gets quit muddy of late and makes me think "Mudroom-hall".

All 3 of my little treasures are still sleeping. The boys will be up in maybe 5 minutes and Seren about 10mins after them. Oh the comfort of a quit and mostly clean house.

Today Caedmon has all day school. In our school district kindergarten is a half day. But they give you the option to pay extra and have your kindergartner go to an all day program called Kindergarten Enrichment. We asked if we could send Caed all day 3 times a week instead of all five. They said yes, so that is what we started doing last week. Caedmon loves his all day school days. And so do I! Mondays are extra nice because I don't workout on Mondays. I get to clean house, run errands, study my ACSM stuff, read books...Mondays are great. This Monday a friend of mine is coming over for yoga and healthy living encouragement. And yipy- it's snowing! A pretty, light, dusting of steady snow this morning. The only thing that could make this Monday better is Einstein's.

Oh. I hear my treasures coming down the stairs. Have a great week to anyone who reads this!!

For my fellow runners: This past week of mine rocked for running! 73 miles in 9:08:45 total. 45 miles that I'd call hard-ish. My favorite 2 workouts: Thursday's 10 miler of 321's on rolling hills at a park and Saturday's 20 w/ 2 10ks @ 7 min mile pace in the middle, also on rolling hills at a park.

What next?

Woo-hoo!! Dan has a new job!!!!!!!!!!!!! He got an offer from a company he had been doing contract work for, accepted their offer, and became an official employee this past Monday. Happy days for us! I feel like 2 tons are lifted off my shoulders. :)

Also in this past week, I decided to train for the next 13ish months for the 100k. But not just any 100k. I want to train hard, risking crossing that line that separates the fit athlete from the injured athlete, and see how fast I can run the Mad City 100k in 2011. The Mad City 100k is this year, and likely will be next year, the USATF 100k championship race. Meaning it draws the fast runners and offers prize money. I'm running it this year on April 10th to have a solid point to train from. And let me just say, I AM PUMPED! This past weekend I did a 31 mile training run with 4 10k intervals at what I would call an "engaged" pace. A pace I could have held longer then the 31 miles I ran, but I'm not at the point of racing a 100k and hitting those splits right now. The whole 50k, warm thru cool down, took me 3:52. Super exciting! I ran almost right at a 7:30 mile average for 31 miles and ended the run feeling good! Like I could have run much faster! Woo-hoo! Sure it was a flat 50k, but it was fast and felt good. The next day I ran 16 miles (on a treadmill at 1% incline-that is my normal TM run incline) in 2:02:40 and that run felt super easy. I exercised self-control and didn't allow myself to push the pace until after 13 miles...and then I forced myself to take a super easy .5 miles for a cool down. So I will race the Mad City 100k this year and plan on running faster next year. This year will be all for fun, as I have absolutely no expectations going into this race. Goals? Of course! But I know that my goals are very un-solid. I've never in my life tried to run a pace that felt anything other then easy for more then 26.2 miles. And I haven't raced a marathon in years. So that makes this year all fun. I can't wait to see what happens, take the results and plan for next year!!

More RR 50 miler

Opps. I left a lot out. For starters, I won the race and set a new course record for females! Very exciting for me. :)

Going into this race, what I was really wanting to do is run as best as I could on that day, all obstacles being tackled as best as I could figure out how to take them on and run well. I knew from training runs that I had a good shot at running in the low 7 hr range and maybe under 7 hrs if things were going close to how I thought they could for me. I have done a lot of long runs (over 20miles) well over 7 mph and ended those runs feeling great- Not at all beat down. So that was my plan. Run around 7 mph for 50 miles. I started out a bit slower then that but by the end f loop 1 was running over 7.5mph. Close to the end of loop 2 I was running just over 7.1 mph. I am very pleased with having averaged about 7.14 mph for this race and look forward to trying for a faster 50 mile sometime in the future! :) :) :) :)

Rocky Raccoon 50 mile race

When my wake up call came at 5am Saturday morning, I knew that today would be a good day for me to practice laying it all on the line under not so great circumstances. So much had not lined up for me to race well at Rocky Raccoon, but running is a mental game. I was ready to tackle this 50 miles with my mind...physical situations and the past weeks stress not counting. I know some of you want to know what was going on. Most of that takes way too much explaining and will have to be another blog. But I will fill you in on some of it. But BE WARNED. What follows is of a personal nature and some readers (especially males) my want to skip to the next paragraph now. I am going to write a little about this because I was actually looking for info on my situation and unable to find much...so maybe some ultra runner lady really does want to know. I know from training that I tend to run and feel crappy in the days leading up to my period. And luck would have it that I would be running this race either right before or during my period. But I knew this weeks back (that is a lot of why I didn't sigh up for the 100. Planing that type of bathroom break during a 100 mile race was very unappealing to me). So I woke up Saturday morning still unsure of how to handle this race...no period yet. But what about in 3 hours while I'm suppose to be running? I decided to play it safe and act as if this was my day one. I also told myself that I could still run well. Training isn't racing. I WILL race well regardless of how crappy I am feeling.

After a warm shower I dressed in my tinniest black shorts, black sports bra, Team Traverse jersey with the cap sleeves, Green Injinji socks and New Balance 100s. I ate a bagel with low fat strawberry cream cheese and plain fat free yogurt on top and drunk a Non fat Mocha from Starbucks w/ only 2 pumps of chocolate. I also took an S!Cap and drunk about 2 cups of water. My parents and I left the hotel at about 5:30am. I thought it would take us 45mins or more to get to the starting line b/c of the fact that over 700 runners were going to be at this race this year. But I have got to hand it to Huntsville State park. They did an amazing job of directing traffic. We were at the starting line a few minutes before 6am. Just in time to see the 344 100 mile runners start their race.

I chatted with a few runners as I waited for the next hour in the starting area. Joe (the race director and my coach) assured me that this course is still fast when wet. It had rained lots in the last few days and there were a few puddles on the course and mud. Joe said to just plow into the puddles, as the stickiest mud was on the outside of the puddles. Ok, I told myself. Run IN the puddles (so fun!). I also chatted with my friend Meredith about our goals for this race.

Before too long we were all off. I started towards the front, as the trails narrow out some and there were several hundred runners in the 50. The first 3.1 miles went nice and easy. My plan was to let my legs get warm and then just run at a comfortable pace that was almost hard. The aid-stations were (in miles): 3.1, 3.1, 2.68, 3.4, 4.4. Then repeat three times. I wore my waist pack so that I had easy access to water, gels and electrolytes. I was also very fortunate to have my Mom crewing for me. Meaning that she would be at 3 of the 5 aid stations with a new water bottle, more gels and electrolytes waiting for me to just grab and go. Having her there saved me several minutes over the course of this race. When I hit the 2end aid station (called Dam Road), a running friend of mine named John was there refilling runner's bottles. I asked him if I could leave my empty bottle for him to fill and pick it up on the way back thru in 2.68 miles (this aid station is sorta an out and back loop). He said sure. Being the Dam Road was BY FAR the busiest station, having John's help on all 3 loops probably saved me another minute.

This was my favorite section to run this year. Not only because it had the most mud, but because of the good sized puddle of water across the path. This puddle was about 2 cars long and came up to my mid-calf at the deepest part. When I saw it up ahead, I picked up my pace and plowed straight in. The cold water splashing on my thighs felt awesome! Especially during loop 3 when my legs were cramping. And my NB 100s draind just magically.

I finished the 1st 16.7 miles in about 2:08 and was feeling awesome. Loop 2 was over about 4:28 into this race and went by much the same as loop 1 had. I was still feeling good, but my legs were getting tight. By the time I hit 36 miles, my legs were cramping pretty bad. While I am sure I still have room to improve my race nutrition, I think that these leg cramps were coming more as a result of the push I was giving my muscles racing. I am soooo hitting the weight room harder in my next training cycle! When I had about 7 miles left to go, I told myself "That is shorter then a tempo workout. NO GIVING UP- NO SLOWING DOWN!" While I wasn't running close to as fast as I do for tempo runs during those final miles, the effort was there. I was pushing hard and my legs were cramping bad. When I hit the last aid station, I knew I could still finish under 7hrs. But I would have to push HARD! With less then 4 miles to go, my GPS died. But I just ran on as if that GPS was telling me I could still make it if I pushed.

I crossed the finish line in 6:59:40. I had made it!! Under 7hrs!!! And I had worked hard to do it. But the most exciting thing to me was the feeling of "I did well. I pushed hard. I can still do better." I have lots of room for improvement. From weight training and nutrition to long runs and speed work. I am so excited to get back to training and race again! If I can get my mind to attack future races like I did this one, then racing will be something I love as much as I love training. Why? Because it isn't about the end result for me. It is all about the process of getting there.

Shoes

So much has been going on lately that I don't even know what to make this post about. So I will pick the funnest thing on my mind and write about that.

Late last year I tried the New Balance 100 trail running shoes. I bought the women's 8.5, as that is the size I had worn and enjoyed in the NB 790's. For anyone who doesn't know (other posts), those shoe didn't work AT ALL for me. So I kept searching. Tried some Inov 8s. Too narrow in the toe box. Tried NB 840s, in the 9wide and the 9regular. I like the 9wide. But only for trails. Running on roads, treadmils, bike-paths, or even very packed trails in those left my legs feeling sorta beat-up.

Being the 9 wides fit well and I still hadn't found a trail shoe (or road shoe) that I liked enough to stick w/, I desided to take a chance and try the NB 100s again in a bigger size. The 100s don't come in wide. So I ordered the mans 7.5 (New Balance's man's shoes in the standard width are built with the same width as the woman's wide) and the woman's 9. After trying them on, I was sure the mans 7.5 fit well enough to give them a go. After running a hard 8miles in them, I was thinking there really was a chance I'd like these 100s. My lefy heel had a painful blister, but no damage. So I cut down the heel cup. Being the heel was then a bit rough, my blister was agrevated on my next run (6miles). I took purple Duck-tape (pink would have worked too) and covered the heel cup. Then I ran 15miles in them and FELT GREAT! WOW! I might have a close to perfect trail shoe!! And I just flet like I was flying in those shoes. My foot didn't slide all over the place. My legs didn't feel blah or worked in a different way then I am use to. My heels felt good. The best part is I get to try them out in a 50 mile race this Saturday. Hoping I love them after that!!

Food!

I am no stranger to high mileage weeks and long races. In fact, my mileage has been on the low side since I injured my heel back in October. But what I am not use to is eating healthy. My diet is, by no means, perfect, and I don't even want it to be "perfect". What I do want to do is fuel my body as an athlete. To make smart food choices to sustain my running before, during, and after runs. This is HARD. For the last 3 or so years, I have been pretty good at eating healthy for most of my meals. But some how I had this idea in my head that if I ran 10 or so miles I could eat 500 or more calories of anything I wanted. Being I ran 10 or more miles 4 times a week, I helped myself daily to ice cream, brownie batter, cookie dough...anything I wanted. NOT SMART. Awhile back I kept a food journal because I had gained 5 pounds and didn't like how cruddy I was feeling on my runs. My goodness! I can't believe the amount of crap I was putting into my body regularly. I started then making small changes. First I only allowed myself one serving of junk a day (only I cheated way too often). Pretty quickly I lost 3 of those pounds. After a few months I figured I could really do this healthy eating thing. I truly felt tons better when running and had more energy for everything and even felt happier just from cutting way back on sugars. Maybe I could make some more changes and feel even better. NO MORE JUNK. For a few weeks, it went pretty well for me. I think I had 2 ice creams in a 3 week period and no other sweets. No chips. I even cut down my sodas to zero (!!). But then I ran Bandera. I've really been trying. But oh my, oh my, oh my! I feel the calorie shortage I've created by cutting out junk food. All week I've fought the urge to go by ice cream or make some brownies. I've eaten more giant salads then ever in one week. And I caved. Thursday I made Rice Crispy treats (w/ Cheerios and caramel).I am feeling proud of myself for eating no more then three at one time! And yesterday I made cranberry scones. Oh how yummy they were! And tonight I am finally not feeling so hungry.
So can I do it? Can I go back to no junk food??? I want to. I've said to myself many times today, "I'm not afraid to fill up on more veggies and fruit!" as a friend of mine so perfectly put it. But the truth of the matter is, I think I'm scared! Scared of fruit and veggies. Maybe I can learn to be scared of cookies and brownies instead!

Bander 2010

This is one race report I am not excited to write. As an athlete, people look at what I say and do and make so many assumptions about who I am based on these things. Knowing that people who don't know me (and maybe some who do) are deciding who they think I am as a person based on a few actions or words is a big stress for me. I'm just not one of those people who can easily shrug off things like that. Also, I know I am a very blessed person. What I have in my life is nothing to complain about in the grand scheme of things. But as a human being I do get weighed down by thing I wish I could just let go of and truly be none the wearier in spite of. This weekend I learned that I can let things go and not stress about them but they are still taking there toll. I will do my best to write my thoughts about this race below, but words are limiting.

Thursday morning, January 7th, Dan and I got up a little before 4am Colorado time ready to drive down to Texas. We had loaded all or things into our rental car the night before. Why rent a car when we currently have no income you ask? Well, I guess I need to back up farther and start in mid December when Daniel lost his job. I've been trying to not think much about this, as it is a pointless stress for me. Dan is looking hard for (and likely has now found) a new job. We cut or budget down as tight as we could (glad I Christmas shopped in January!) and were ready to do what had to be done to make ends meet as responsibly as possible. So stressing about it is of no use. Also in December our renters from Austin fell 2 months behind in rent...meaning our savings account was being drained on a mortgage that was housing another family, and we had/have no income. We spent a good amount of time earlier in this week trying to access a savings account we set up for emergencies and currently can't get to. Sometime in the next few days we will have all the information needed to get into this account. Meaning we have money to last through a few more weeks of bills, only we can't get to it. Kinda frustrating to see a nice bit of money in our account, need the money to keep from paying interest rates, late fees or over draft fees, and not be able to get to the money. But I know it could be worse and am grateful that it is only what it is.

Wednesday, January 6th, I got a package in the mail from Running Warehouse. "Oh boy," I'm thinking, "my shoes for Bandera." Only when I opened the box, I had the man's Peak XC in a size 9, not the woman's. Immediately I called Running Warehouse, who assured me they would have the woman's size 9 Peak XC shoes to my parents house (were I would be the day before the race) with their free-on-every-order 2end day UPS shipping. I was still in a bit of a pickle. I knew the balance in our checking accounts...we couldn't buy me another pair of shoes and pay for gas to Texas too...yes the man's shoes would be 100% refunded, but not until it was received by Running Warehouse...my current running shoes were dead because I had been putting off buying another pair until I had to...what to do? Daniel decided he would pay for our gas to Texas with his silver dollars so I could order the shoes. Feeling guilty, I ordered the shoes and put the man's shoes in the mail.

On the way home from dropping the giant looking shoes off at UPS, we had a car accident. No one was hurt, but both cars were in need of repair. We called the insurance company, told them what had happened, that we were planing to leave for Texas in less then 12hrs, lived over a half hour away from the car place, blah blah blah, and they agreed to stay open late so we could turn our car in this night and get a rental. Another $500 spent that we don't have right now.

Back to Thursday morning. The trip down was pretty uneventful. We listened to "Into Thin Air". An amazing and very moving story of the events on Mt. Everest in 1996. At about 9:30pm Texas time, we pulled into Marabel Slab were my dad treated Dan and I to ice cream. My favorite!

The next day we ran a few errands in San Antonio and visited with family. At about 4pm we headed to Bandera for packet pick up. The plan was for my parents to finish packing the RV they rented and meet us at Hill Country State Natural Area maybe around 8:30pm. Only my Mom told me they were still waiting on my shoes. At 5pm, my mother called UPS to see if they could give her an ETA on the shoes. They told her the truck had already tried to deliver the shoes, but there was no house at the listed address...I had put the wrong house address on the shipping info.! Then my mother called Running Warehouse. Running Warehouse called UPS. Running Warehouse then called my mom and told her she could pick the shoes up from UPS, but not until 8-9pm. My parents drove to the other side of SA at 8pm, picked my shoes up when the came in at 8:40 and thought they were now headed to Bandera. But the highway was closed. All told, they arrived at the park about 11:30pm Friday night. Dan and I had been trying to rest in the car, waiting for them to arrive with our bed.
Side note: I was so peeved at myself! Why did I put the wrong number????? Gurrrr. But I was very grateful for how willing my parents were to do what they could to help me out. THANK YOU MOM AND DAD!

Friday night was very cold. I had on my warm fuzzy socks, sweatpants, long sleeve shirt, sweatshirt and warmest hat. I slept with the blankets pulled up over my head to try to get warm. At about 3:30am my father, in his freezing state, checked the thermostat in the RV. Somehow the heater was off. He turned it on. Normally I'd leave all these little silly things that went wrong out, but this time I am listing them all because individually they are small. Piled up they took their toll on my brain.

I got up at 5:30am Saturday. The outside temp was around 11degrees. For the start of the race, I put on my Team Traverse jersey, arm warmers, thin zipper jacket, Toaster gloves, running skirt, ear warmer and topped my outfit of by putting a beanie over my pigtails. Injinji sock's as always and my new black Peak XC shoes w/ gaiters. I stood in the starting area in a blue penguin flannel robe until the start countdown began.

At 7:30 we were off. The start of the race was awkward for me. I knew from my current training that I could smoke this course. I also knew that mentally I wasn't up to racing. I had done my best to suck it up and put on my game face. I set little goals and didn't speak about what I "could" do to keep from putting useless pressure on myself. I wanted to be encouraging to the other girls who I knew could smoke this course as well. I LOVE fast women...not in a weirdo way, but in a team mate, lets show the world what a lady can do too way. That is part of why I suck at racing. I don't really care if I "win". I'm there to do what I can. Winning is fun, but I am also super happy for other ladies when they run well and beat my in the process. I need to learn how to handle this. How to race and not feel like a mean person for it. Anyhow, I was just there to run my race. I went out comfortably and met 2 of the ladies I had suspected would run well at Bandera.

I went through the first aid station in 54mins and aid station 2 at 1:44. The first 2 sections have some nice climbs and the 3erd section is flat and fast. I changed my warmest gloves for some lighter ones and dropped my jacket at this station, #2. A couple miles in, my hands were freezing. I pulled my arm warmers down over my gloves and wrapped my ear warmer around my left hand. While running along the fence line a little later, I decided to change the ear warmer over to my right hand, as my left hand was warm and my right hand cold. After wrapping up my right hand I looked up to see a split in the trail. The split was unmarked. Odd, because Tejas Trail courses are always well marked. Being there was an obvious main trail, I kept running straight. about 8mins later I hit a dead end at a fence. Ah! I was thinking. What did I do??? I turned around and saw that a young guy had followed me. "I though I say my twin brother running the other way back there." He said. We turned around to retrace our path. Only there were more splits from this side and all of the splits lead nowhere. Being frazzled, I forced myself to stop and think. Just follow the fence back. Duh. The young guy then asked for some water, saying he was feeling dehydrated. I pulled my mostly full bottle of Gatorade out of my pack and traded him for an empty hand held. I few minutes later we were back at the unmarked split. When I ran back a bit farther, I saw the turn. Taking no time to examine the missed turn, I took the right path towards the next aid station. All told, I had spent 20mins running around lost. As soon as I was back on course, I knew I was finished. My brain just couldn't get around this one. Sure it is a trail race. People get lost and keep going all the time. Yes I can keep going. But for me the time lost was just crushing. I was already so mad at myself for the dumb things I had done to get to this race and then I got myself lost. That was a crusher for me. I decided I'd just run on as planed to the 50k. But mental I was finished.

When I got to the 50k (in 5:19..boo to getting lost!), I was physically feeling better then I ever had at the half way point in this race. My legs had no cramps and I wasn't feeling the need to walk the climbs yet. But I was just so long gone mentally. Joe and Dan, along with what felt like 30 other people, tried to nicely convince me to run on. "You're not far behind the others," and "You are gaining on there splits" they said. But I wasn't there to race them. I was racing me and I got lost, and lost. Feeling very torn and peeved with myself, I left for loop 2. Running up the climbs felt great on this loop , but my mind was still not going to push my though a hard 100k. When I got to aid station 1 on loop 2, my family agreed that it was ok for me to not force myself through this. I just didn't have the mental strength for it. I was greatly relived. Being I was still doing well physically, I decided to shower, change into dry and warmer running cloths, eat a bit, and then go back to aid station 1 and find someone to pace for the rest of the 100k. I figured that just because my race was over didn't mean I had to actually drop the race. Maybe I could help another runner run well by running with them through a harder part of their race. I have run at Bandera by myself in the dark, and it can be grueling if you are physically hurting.

The first few runners through said they were OK and didn't need a pacer. But one guy said something along the lines of "You don't want to go with me. I know I will finish, but it will be a very slow process." Being he hadn't said "no" to my offer, I told him I would join him, if that was alright. I didn't care a bit about the pace.

As we walked fast towards the next aid station, we talked. The more we talked, the better I was feeling about being out there. I was running with Mark Raymond , who I had never met but he knew all the runners from Austin that I knew. Mark had finished the Bandera 100k every year that there has been a Bandera race (year 8 this year) and planed on keeping his streak going. This past year had been harder then normal for him because of a move to New York that brought more job stress and left little time for training, so finishing would be harder and slower. But he was a positive thinker and never voiced wanting to quit. And I will tell you, walking that course in the dark with the temperature in the teens is freaking hard! When we got to Chapas (aid station 2), my hands were so numb I couldn't feel them. One of the volunteers suggested I lay my hands on a crock pot to warm them. After she assured me that I wouldn't damage my hands from the heat (being I couldn't feel them), I happily complied. After drinking hot chocolate and soup, I went and stood by a space heater with Mark. Before too long I was shaking horribly and I could feel my hip flexors grinding along my hip bones from shaking and tightening. I knew that if we didn't leave soon, my body was going to really fight leaving at all. I think Mark knew that too, because he said "lets go" soon after. As we walked out, Mark told me that if I didn't warm up soon to go ahead and run into to cross-roads (the next aid station) to keep from getting hypothermia. But no fear. I stopped shaking before 10mins were up.

I told Mark about what happened earlier in the race for me during this section, and we both watched the course closely to see were I went off course. The place was easy to spot. After running along the fence line for awhile, there is a left turn to head toward the fields. The turn was marked with streamers on the left and had a "wrong way" sigh on the left about 4feet past the turn. Talk about bad timing for me! I must have decided to switch my ear-warmer from my left hand to my right hand seconds before this turn came into sight. And being the wrong way sigh was on the same side of the trail as the turn and the opposite side of the trail as I was looking, I never saw the markings. Bad luck for me.

Mark was great company for the next 10 or so hours. I thoroughly enjoyed getting to know him. And the night was spectacular despite the freezing temperature. We stopped and turned off our lights (well, I covered mine as my fingers were unable to push buttons) on the top of The Sister's (a high point in Bandera) and looked at the stars. Breath taking. Normally when I run out there, I don't get the chance to look around much. Looking and running on rocks can be hazardous. Taking the time to stop and enjoy the beauty of this place was refreshing, and what I needed mentally.

19hrs and 24minutes after the start of this race, we finished. I can't say I'm glad this race turned out this way for me. But I can say that this experience was good for me over all. I probably should have decided to volunteer this race weeks ago when life circumstances had me feeling over whelmed and the idea of racing seemed like another stress. But I wanted to just suck it up and run. After all I love running and put in good training for Bandera. But I am not there mentally yet. I will get there. I will learn how to be a racer along with a runner and how to balance life stresses with my running. This weekend taught me a lot. I have a long ways to go.

The High

I've tried to be patient and not post about this until after Bandera, as the Bandera 100k is a big race for me this year. But I am too excited. And truthfully, I like running SOOOOOO much more then racing, which is making Bandera mentally harder for me then I want...This summer I have an opportunity to run a 135mile foot race in the Himalayas. At first I thought, "Wow. That looks crazy awesome. But no way." Only now it looks like I am going to get to go! My Dad has agreed to come with me as a support person (and being he is a photographer, he is as excited as I am to be there). And OH MY GOODNESS! I think I'm going to go!!!!!
My hope is to do this for The Home Foundation. This is something heavy on my heart always, and I can think of nothing I'd rather run for or put as a training focus for something of this magnitude then to fund-raise for them and pray for victims of human trafficking during this multi-day journey.
So stay tuned! Hopefully I will have lots more to say on this before the end of this month!

Bandera in ONE week!

It's that time of year again. The Bandera endurance runs are just around the corner. And somehow I am signed up to run the 100k again... WOOHOO!! This year the competition is steep. To deal with the stress, I have set a couple of goals that have nothing to do with trying to win. My number one goal going into this is to run my best in order to get a good idea about how I stack up with other runners who win ultras, regardless of what place that puts me in. That way I can train to improve in the future. My thought is I'm only 29 and have been running ultras for about 3 years, so I have a lot of time to get better at this. My number 2 goal is to average under 11 minute miles for the whole thing. The last time I finished this race, I had no electrolytes and my legs started cramping before 50k. By 45miles I was just falling over and trying to go forward on legs that were cramping so bad...and my lack of experience (ultra #2) had me thinking it was under training...now I know better!! I finished in 11:25 that year (about 11:03 a mile), so with a much better nutrition plan in place I think I should at least be able to run better then that!

I really have a solid base to run from this year, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't expect to run well...but I also see that there are other strong ultra runners signed up, some who are strong technical runners. Meaning I know I could get my butt kicked out there and I'm OK with that. But. Out of Staters beware: this course isn't like most trails. When I moved to CO this past summer, I had a HARD time finding trails that came even close to Bandera trails. In fact, I've found that I can run faster at 9,000 feet on smooth trails for a 30mile training run then I can at Bandera with the same effort. So know this going into these runs: "technical" is an understatement for the course. I love that!