Today I ran my 6th Marathon. I was so excited going into my taper for this race. The goal: run under 3:00, hopefully closer to 2:54. The plan: run the first 20 miles at about 6:43 per mile and kick hard for the last 10k. I was sooooo ready for this.
The reality: today was not my day.

Last weekend I went on a retreat with a singing group I am in. It was a wonderful weekend! I woke up early, had my quite time, drank some coffee w/ soy milk, went on my short runs and got back just in time for breakfast both days. I got to spend good quality time with my female friends, and just loved the whole weekend. When I got home Sunday, I heard the news. Ryan Shay had died while running in the Men's Olympic Marathon Trials the day before. My response was complete denial. How could a young, fit runner, who just months before ran a 2:14 marathon die while racing? And when I learned he had passed so early in the race (just past mile 5), my heart sank to my feet. I was so confused. How, why?

Things got more stressful for me when I learned he had likely died because of an enlarged heart. When I was in high school, I had arrhythmias in my heart. I had a whole battery of tests run and wore a heart monitor for weeks back then. My cardiologist diagnosed my with Super Ventricular Tachycardia. A mild heart arrhythmia requiring absolutely no medical intervention at that time. But I vividly remember his words during my ECHO 12 years ago, "Your heart looks health. Strong, but big. You have an athletes heart." Red flags were going of in my mind over this. Ryan Shay died, likely because he had an enlarged heart. My heart is "..big...an athletes heart". The term athletes heart popped up several times on Google when I searched for information on Ryan Shay's death. This was not what I wanted to hear 7 days a way from racing a marathon.

I made an appointment with my doctor to discus this. In all honesty my hope was for her to tell me I was being paranoid. But she didn't. She suggested I have another ECG and we compare this one with the one I had 12 years ago. Smart lady, my doctor.

Ultimately I am glad I had tests run this past week. All the results have been very reassuring. But this week took a toll on me mentally. I just wasn't ready to pore myself into this race today. I trained well and hard. I wanted my body to just take over, but my mind was having non of that. My drive to run hard was gone. So I decided I would just run, not race. Push if I felt like it, but just run to finish. I finished in about 3:15, and place 3erd. Just putting one foot in front of the other for 26.2 miles earned me 500 dollars. Not too shabby. And I have nothing to recover from. My legs feel great, like I feel after 20 mile training runs, not after racing- even a half marathon.

I am hoping my drive to compete will come back. But for now, I have closed this chapter in my running life and am opening the next...................
Look 100k, here I come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!